把它埋起来

So, a lot of my personal posts are - as can be expected - of a very personal nature. They may be extremely sexual, emotionally charged, hateful, hurtful, scary, prejudicial, self-hating and a variety of other extreme emotions that are not easily expressed otherwise in society.

I may say stuff like “I hate x-person/myself”, or “I feel fat/alone/unwanted”, or “it’s one of those I-feel-like-killing-everyone-kind of days”, or “please, will someone come fuck me”. This is just who I am. I’m kinda going through this very emotional period in my life, and only throwing myself completely into my work can I stop feeling. My work, both school and otherwise, is my real passion, and it makes me feel better than a dick pushing up against prostate (and sigmoid colon), which is the most unique and intense sensation, in my opinion. 

Sometimes, I do want to just go away forever. I’m not suicidal, but the world can be a mean, dark place, and it can look like there’s no hope for the future, but those times are always just temporary. 

I have not seen a therapist ever, and have not seen a counselor since junior year of high school (three years ago). I don’t know if I have any kind of mental or psychological disorder. I’ve always just thought that having such extreme emotions was part of life. I never felt that I needed any kind of treatment, because, in the end, things “would get better”. I still hold this to be true. I believe, but do not know, that my life will one day be better, and in all truthfulness, it does look brighter and brighter every day. 

So, if you see me posting something sad, mad, sexual, frustrated, hateful or otherwise, don’t feel awkward, or bad for me; letting me know that you’re “here for me” is nice; sending me a text with a smiley face is always great; putting your dick in me, if you’re a guy, is always appreciated :P

Anyway, I just want everyone to know that no matter what I post, I will eventually be ok. It’s all part of that crazy emotional roller coaster called life, y’know? 

Thanks for all of your support and love and interest!

-Anneng